March 15

 Today started out like any other. I must have woken up from a fantastic dream, I’m sure. A dream filled with tits, ass and pussy. Why do I say “I’m sure” like I’m not sure? Well, I don’t remember my dreams often, but the automatic evidence so proudly displayed in my underwear tells me so. I’ve been waking up with the most rigid, engorged and throbbing hard-on almost every day this week. Nothing has changed that I can think of. I eat the same things I always eat. I don’t do anything different in regard to exercise. The only thing I can think of is that my imagination has ramped up one hundred fold with thoughts and desires of the daytime bartender at my work. 

For background, I’ve been a bartender my whole adult life. Currently, I’ve taken a job as the nighttime bartender at a fairly popular family restaurant, but just like any place in the service industry, we are a debaucherous bunch. The corporate fat cats will tell you through training videos and paperwork that sexual harassment is strictly forbidden within the walls of the restaurant. What they don’t, but probably DO know, is that sexual harassment is a love language between coworkers in the industry. I couldn’t write a porn as good as the thoughts I have on a minute to minute basis about my day time bartender. 

With every chance I get, I’ll slide my arm across her tits, god damnit I love tits! With every step ‘behind’ her, my hand casually grazes and often grabs a handful of her tight, sweet ass. I often find myself wondering what my face would feel like sandwiched between those supple cheeks. Yes, I love ass. I love to eat ass. I love the feel of the wrinkles of a tight asshole puckering as in flit my tongue over the sensitive bud. I love how the taste changes as I venture down towards the opening of a pink and juicy pussy. My god, I love eating pussy. If and when I die, I’m hoping its face down, drowning in a pool of pussy. 

But, I digress. This bartender, we’ll call her T, is the perfect height for me to fondle blindly as I talk to customers sitting ignorantly on the other side of my bar. I’ll often have my hand planted directly on her ass cheek and sometimes, with a bold flick of the wrist, I’ll have a finger or two hovering between her cheeks, trying to feel the form of one of the holes I desperately feel the need to taste.

Back to today, it’s been a normal day. Woke up, got some things done, some errands ran and hopped my happy ass in the shower to prep for work. The shower is my favorite place in my day. It’s my one on one time with ME! Anything goes in the shower. I quickly wash my body and tend to my, if I might be so bold as to say, glorious beard. I shampoo it and condition it lovingly as it’s the prominent feature of my looks, so it’s got to be soft and on point for my shift tonight. 

I keep the conditioner on my hands as I stroke down my body and lightly grasp hold of my soft cock. Within seconds, I’m imagining the restaurant, full of patrons. Sipping on their drinks and carrying on without a care in the world. I see myself sliding by T, to get to the other side of the bar, but she’s facing me. Instead of grabbing a handful of her ass, I deftly move my hand under her apron and slide a finger up the slit of her pussy that I can feel through her black pants. It’s warm. Is she wet already from thinking about me? from feeling my fingers glide up her most precious spot? The look she gives me and the half smile tells me she’s surprised, but enjoys it.

At this point, in the shower, my dick is hardening to an almost full erection. I look at my cock and see the veins pumping blood to the source. I gently start stroking it with my conditioner covered hand. From the base to the tip, it sends chills through my body. Even in the warm water, I get goosebumps as my mind wanders back to the restaurant. 

At this point, we’re gathering supplies in the walk-in freezer. I can’t help my hands as I grab T by the waist and pull her ass into my crotch. She moans as she can feel my hardness through both of our pants. She wiggles her ass on my cock for a second and pulls away. “We’re going to get caught if you keep that up!” She sighs, “fuck”, she finishes her sentence. “Gladly!” I say, as I turn her around and pull her towards me. I move in close and lick her lips, lightly, but firmly at the same time. I’m holding her hips as I slide my hands up her sides and settle on those fantastic tits I’ve been fantasizing about. I find her nipples through her shirt and bra and tug lightly on them. Another sigh, more like a moan escapes her mouth and lands on my lips. I use the opportunity of her mouth opening to move in for a real kiss. Still tugging lightly on her nipples and pulling her into me, our tongues find each others and we explore the inside of each others mouths in a frenzy of arousal and need. My cock straining against my work pants to find a hole, any hole, yet the confines  of the fabrics make it impossible for me to fuck something. 

Back in the shower, my hand is gripping my cock harder. Stroking a little more frantically, pumping from base to tip with a little swirl at the top. I watch as the head of my penis appears and disappears with each stroke. I can’t help but wonder what it would look like watching my hard and pulsating cock sliding in and out of T’s tight, wet pussy. Will her walls grip onto me as I pump into and out of her? Will it gush with fluid as I penetrate her, coating my cock in the sweet nectar of her insides? God, I can’t wait to find out. 

Back in the walk-in in my imagination, I release one of her nipples and slide a hand down her stomach to the waistband of her pants, I gingerly snake my fingers inside and slide down until I find the top of her slit. Only another short thrust downward and I’m feeling the swollen hood of her clit as I make small circles around it. She moans out loud. I stick my three fingers on my left hand Into her mouth to quiet the sounds she’s making. I can tell I’m hitting a good spot as her knees buckle a little. I move my hand further down to find the soaking wet entrance to her pussy. I’ve never felt such velvety wetness before in my life. I plunge a finger as deep as I can and pull it out to coat her clit in wetness to aid in my onslaught of pleasure to her womanhood. I do this multiple times until I have 2 fingers deep in her cunt, basically holding her up by her hole as my right palm takes over the clitoral stimulation from there. Her breathing is ragged. The frosty air of the walk-in is turning humid. I can see her breath shooting out of her mouth in rapid spurts as she bites down harder on my fingers that she’s been simulating a blow job to the whole time I’ve had my other hand inside of her.

Back in the shower, I’m bracing myself against the wall with my left hand. My right hand has taken on a mind of its own as it furiously pumps my cock up and down with a rhythm so fierce and pleasurable that I feel like I might pass out. I can feel the tightness in my balls and I know it’s only a matter of seconds before i blow a huge load all over the shower wall. 

Back in the walk-in, I’m using my leverage to pump my middle and ring finger in and out of T’s soaking pussy at a fairly rapid pace. She gyrates on my hand and tells me not to stop. I’ve pulled my fingers from her mouth  now and have it up her shirt, under her bra and pulling at her left nipple as she screeches her way toward orgasm. I don’t care if anyone hears, this is a beautiful symphony of agony i’m listening to! I move my hand from her tit and up her sternum until my hand grips around her neck. I squeeze and can hear the air strain against her voice box to release. The veins in her neck start to bulge a bit as her lack of air takes hold. “Oh fuuuuuuu….” She breaths out. “You’re going to make me cu-u-u——“ she stops and her breathing hitches. Her entire body starts to shake and her legs give out. I’m still holding her up with my fingers inside of her as I feel a gush of liquid pour out of her pussy and coat my hand and undoubtedly, her pants in squirts of heaven. I pull my hand out and lick and suck all of the juices into my mouth, until I’m clean. I look at T, her face flushed and red, her breathing slowly returning to normal. I pull her to me and kiss her lips one more time, “you taste amazing, don’t you?” She licks her lips, finding traces of her pussy on them transferred from mine. “So… ah.. so good.” She says with a final shiver.”

Back in the shower, it’s my time to cum. I brace myself and start fucking my hand as hard as I can, pretending it’s either her pussy, her asshole or her mouth, I don’t care, I just want to cum. I look down at my cock and the head is bright purple with the grip I have on it. My balls are tight against my body and I see the unmistakeable retreating of my dick inside my hand as i watch a full load of cum spray out of the tip and hit the wall in front of me. Another spurt, and other. Probably seven or eight ropes of jizz total fly out of my cock as I slow the assault. Cum dribbles out in shorter sprays and finally runs to a slow leak as my cock starts to soften and relax from the absolute beating I just gave the poor guy. With a full body shiver, I smile at how much I love my imagination. I cleanup. I wash away the evidence of my one person perverted party and step out of the shower. As I’m drying off, my dick is still sensitive to the touch and sends another spine tingling shiver through me. 

I smile at myself in the mirror and almost out loud, whisper, “fuck… I can’t wait for the real thing.”

July 25

The air was stale and hot and hit me in the face as I opened my car door. “How is it this hot outside at 1 oclock in the morning, for fuck sake!” I said out loud to no one. Everyone in the word is fast asleep, I’m sure except for me. I quietly close the door to my sedan and turn to look at R’s house. A cute two story townhome on the hillside above the valley. Her house is dark. She has adult children that live here, but it seems as though everyone has turned in for the night. A single source of light can be seen towards the back of the house through the frosted glass of the front door. 

I remember hearing R talk about how she always leaves the side door to the garage unlocked in case her kids need to get in “after hours”. She said that it’s quieter than the front door and easy to maneuver around the rooms of sleeping souls.  

I traverse the front yards zeroscape, a water saving endeavor by our city to not have grass to keep alive, rather, we have gravel of different colors and sizes to beautify our yards. The only shitty part is the noise! It’s hard to tip toe around when the earth is crunching beneath your feet. Slow and steady, heel to toe, I walk with intention to the side of the house.

I reach the side garage door and gently turn the handle. A bead of sweat tickles my brow and falls over my left eye. ‘Why am I here?’ I think. Her kids could be awake and catch me sneaking in. I shake off my hesitation and turn the door knob. The door opens. ‘Holy shit, it’s actually open!’ My brain is failing to compute the well laid out plan I had before this point. I take a deep breath and push through. I don’t care if they catch me at this point. I have a craving, a need. I can’t hold it back any longer. My skin burns hot when I think about it. I probably have a problem, but it’s nothing I can worry about fixing tonight. I have a need… the need to satisfy. The need to taste the heavenly taste that only a wet, contracting pussy can give. It’s all I’ve been able to think about for so long and it’s gone on long enough. The thirst gets quenched tonight, damnit. 

I step into the hallway of her home. The smell from last nights dinner mixes with the heavenly scent of a vanilla candle still burning in the kitchen island. That must be the light I saw through the window. I kick off my shoes to eliminate any unnecessary sounds that might stir the resting. I move towards the entry of the house and find the staircase. 

The stairs leading to her room are quiet, the soft carpet tickles my feet as I ascend. I cross the little lounge area at the top of the flight and reach the door to her bedroom. Another deep breath and the prickling of hairs all over my body. ‘Am I really doing this?’ At his point, R and I have only ever kissed. What if she freaks out? What if I’m moving too fast? Am I really that ravenous that I’m about to do whatever it takes to quench my thirst? Yes. 

I grasp the knob, turn slowly and let myself in quietly. The soft sound of breathing fills the air like an air raid siren. The silence is so loud. My heart beats in my ears as I approach the bed. 

Slowly, I inch my way towards the foot of the bed, the silence is making it hard to concentrate. The room is only slightly illuminated by a streetlight out of R’s window. As my eyes adjust to the dark, I can barely see the silhouette of her voluptuous body hidden under the covers. I desperately want to find some kind of light that wouldn’t wake her so that I can see her face. I have images of her beautiful mouth, turned into a half smile as she sleeps and dreams. I wonder what she’s dreaming about right now. Her eyes are closed gently over her emerald green eyes, those eyes that could cause ships to lose course and float away into oblivion forever. It’s better that they’re closed. Covered like her body with a blanket of unknowing. Surely, if I could look into those eyes now,  this would be easier. But, alas, I have a need and I’m on a mission to quiet the voices. 

I reach the foot of the bed and reach out and feel around for her. I feel her foot. She stirs a bit and i freeze. I wait for a beat until i’m certain that she’s still sleeping. I trace the comforter to the end of the bed and find the edge of the normally white, now darkened in shadow duvet and slowly reach under. I find her foot again and very slowly snake my hand  up her ankle, taking in the white hot heat I’m feeling as the electricity of our skin touching lights a path of fire from my hand to her calf. I venture further up her thigh to her hip. She’s wearing sleep shorts. She’s a side sleeper. So am i. That’s cute, isn’t it? I maneuver my wandering hand to the inside of her thigh and creep my way up. Her inner thighs are hot from being together. I further my ascension until I feel the fabric of her shorts hugging tightly against her pussy. She moves a bit, unconsciously, or subconsciously spreading her legs a little. I take the opportunity to feel around her mound with my thumb. A soft moan escapes her lips.

After a few seconds of making sure she’s settled, I pull myself up onto the bed, hidden under the covers, my face inches away from her pussy. I lightly lick from the back of her knee, up the side of her strong hamstrings and make my path varied as I move towards her womanhood. I can feel the heat coming from her. It’s intoxicating. I test the waters and find the cleft outline of her pussy. I deftly maneuver the fabric until I find a spot to sink my thumb into. The texture of her body is different here, so without seeing, I assume I’ve got to be close to her clit. I press firmly, yet almost not at all. Her hips sway a bit as I increase the pressure to her sensitivities. I think I found a sweet spot. I rub little circles over the swollen button for a few strokes and cause her lower half to move more. Another moan. Another sign that I’m in the right area. 

With my left hand, I slide up her right thigh and test the elasticity of or sleep shorts. They’re loose in the leg holes, so I push inside to find another barrier. She’s wearing panties. I wonder what color they are? It’s so dark in the room and under the blanket that I can only speculate blindly. I press my fingers to the middle of her crotch and feel a dampness. She’s feeling all of this, her warm wetness is testament to that. On my stomach, I can feel my dick start to stiffen and I move my hips and grind my rigid cock in a soft thrusting motion, unconsciously humping the bed as if my soldier has a mind of its own. 

I move my face to within inches of her hot, wet, cloth covered cunt and breath in. I’m drunk on need. I need to taste her. R’s breathing sharpens as I move the material covering her lips to the side. I test it with my fingers and they come away wet. I automatically suck my finger dry. Oh my god, I can’t believe how much I needed this. I savor the flavor on the tips of my fingers for a moment. I have my fix. Like anyone addicted to their cause of bliss, the euphoria in my mouth goes away in an instant. I need more. 

I hook the panties fully and pull them to the right, more adequately exposing her lips to the hot, breathy air under the duvet. I can feel goosebumps forming on my arms mashing to the goosebumps raising from her legs. I reach with the tip of my tongue and find the top of her opening. The sweetness mixed with the taste of her insides throws me into overdrive. I dive in. I’m a man possessed. I flatten my tongue and lick from her taint, to the top of her cleft. Her whole body shudders and her breathing stops. She’s still asleep, yet reacting to my advances. I wonder what I just turned her dream into.

I keep lapping at her hot, wet pussy like it’s a necessary mineral for my body. I feel it enriching my cells with the shot of adrenaline I’ve been seeking. A thirst that can’t be quenched. I have my mouth everywhere I can reach, the insides of her thighs, where the legs meet the pelvis, the skin that separates her holes, i suck in each moistened fold. I can’t help myself. I take my middle and ring finger and circle her wanting opening. It’s drenched in fluid. That slick and delicious fluid. Massaging around the area until I easily slide both in. I gently probe in and out until I’m about knuckle deep inside of her velvet sleeve. All the while, my tongue is dancing on her swelling clit. More sighs and moans escape her mouth in a breath. 

With my fingers, I curl up to find the fleshy mound of her g spot. Her back arches as I press hard into her upper walls. Back and forth in a “come hither” motion, my hand is starting to get soaked. I can’t tell if it’s mostly sweat from having my shoulders pinned by her legs and the hot collecting breath under the covers, or if it’s her appreciation showing in the form of her leaking vessel, either way, I’m in heaven. 

Her breathing speeds up to a rapid stutter. I continue to flat tongue lick the entire slit of her pussy and drink in all of what she’s spilling. Her hips start to gyrate with the rhythm of my fingers and tongue. A slow and steady assault of her insides. I push deeper and find her deeper spots. Her hips raise and they stay in the air. 

I’m not sure if she’s awake at this point, but she grabs onto my head and pushes me hard into her. I pull my fingers out and help hold her hips up as I lick from her clit to her asshole, soaking both holes in my saliva and her juice. Her hips settle back to the bed where I resume the play with my fingers, only this time, I use the wetness on my right  middle finger to circle her asshole. It feels tight and the ridges pucker as I feel them. With my left hand, I easily find my way under her sleep shirt and find calmness is sliding up her stomach, circling her belly button with my light touch, all the way up until I find her perky C cup breast and massage it softly, as I settle in. Back to my right hand, I line up my well lubed pointer finger and slide it gently into her.  With my middle, I toy with her behind. Probing slightly. Unsure if back door entrance is allowed… she makes the decision for me and sinks her hips down onto both of my fingers. One in her tightening cunt and the other knuckle deep in her ass. I start licking again from my finger I have plunging up into her, up to her clit where I make small concentrated circles around the nub of it to intensify the onslaught. 

Her grip on my head tightens as she starts fucking my face. My hand holding her breast finds the tightened skin of her areola, that turns into an eraser sized nipple, standing out and begging to be fondled. I take her erect nipple between my fingers and put a pinching pressure, accompanied by a twisting back and forth intention, forcing a sigh of pleasure? Pain? Both, to escape her lips. Her body reacts. Her back lifts slightly off the bed. Another sign of proof that I’m doing something right. 

 Using my nose and mouth, that are saturated in her juices as her own personal fuck toy, she rides my face unconsciously for her own satisfaction. With my fingers lodged deep in side of both sides of her, her holes both tighten and I feel more wetness coat my hand. I’m intoxicated. I can’t get enough. I drink up every drop of her orgasm as it rips through her. I don’t let up. I push my fingers deeper into her. She bares down and grinds her ass and pussy further onto my hand. I start moving in and out as I keep my tongue on her swollen and stiff clit. Another orgasm racks her body. I can feel all of her muscles contracting, her core tightens as her pussy pushes pleasure to every part of her. Her actions cause the grip I have on her nipple to pull on it harder. More seizures by way of her body reacting. She squeezes my head between her soft and powerful thighs and cuts off my breathing. I don’t even care, I’ll die drowning in her juice if I have to, I’m staying right  here until the end. She shoots up, sitting straight, a silent scream escapes her, I’m hoping it wasn’t enough to wake her kids. Heavy and fast, she breaths and holds my face in place as she grinds on me. Until she lets out a breathy yell and lays back down, limp, shaking, satisfied. 

I kiss her inner thighs and say thank you… nothing. She’s somehow been asleep this whole time. I slowly move off the bed, making my way to the door and slip out into the night. 

The walk to my car feels different. I’ve been baptized by the waters of truth and I’ve never felt more exhilarated! I could run a marathon! (But I won’t, fuck running) As I sneak out of the house and down to my car waiting on the street, I take a deep breath In and relish in my mastery. As soon as I reach for my door handle, my phone buzzes and I pause. “It’s 2 am, who the fuck is up this late?” I wonder. I pull my phone from my pocket and open it to a text. From R. “Look at my window”, the text reads. I turn hastily to look up at the 2nd story window of the room I just raided to see a dim light on. Did she just wake up? Was she awake during my playtime? A silhouette comes into frame. Nude, the body that I just ravaged for the last hour stands proudly without barrier for all the sleeping world to see. Another text. “Come back, NOW!” I read the message a few time. I looked back to the window for visual confirmation… she was gone from the window, but the light stayed on. I could feel my cock swelling against my pants. I feel arousal and exhaustion all in one. As I’m typing the words, “that was just for you…” another text pops up… “coming?…..”….

You Deserve

 I feel like in today’s society, there’s an overwhelming attitude of, “it’s me against the world!” That’s a very empowering statement, but, the truth is that the toxicity of this message not only takes away the opportunity for you to be truly happy, but it takes the opportunity away from others that could have a very deep and meaningful impact in your life, to show you a new way of thinking... feeling. 

By you not letting others in to help you in any facet of your daily dealings, you’re closing your mind to the opportunity to grow as a human being. You’re comfortable in your rut and that’s okay. You just have to realize that your rut is only comfortable to you. You’re not special enough to drag someone into your rut and expect them to be content, much less happy living there. 

You deserve happiness. You deserve to have others help in that happiness and uplift you to a point of reliance on the beautiful ‘give and take’ that can come from having someone else’s light in your rut... to help you see your way out. 

You won’t grow unless you learn. Learning lessons the hard way sucks, but it’s effective. One day, you’ll look back on this time and wish that you would’ve been honest with yourself and let yourself realize that “me against the world” is just a cop out and an easy way for you to avoid the honest conversations of understanding that you HAVE to have with yourself and others. YOUR PAST DOESN’T DEFINE YOU! How you react to the lessons you’ve learned does. 

“If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it”, right? Wrong. We’re all broken and we can’t do it on our own. We’re not above that kind of thinking. We’re not able to mentally, physically and spiritually handle things without a little push from someone that believes in us. Believes in us on a grander scale than we feel we deserve. When you find those people in life, the first instinct is to push back... not let them in, because you “know that you aren’t good enough for them.” That’s not for you to decide. That’s up to both parties, making a mutual decision to trust one another enough to throw caution in the wind and explore the heart, rather than the ego of the mind. 

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t be comfortable with being alone. Being alone is where we learn about ourselves and what we ultimately deserve in life to feel less lonely. Being alone and feeling lonely are two VERY different emotions and it’s important to understand that. Once you’re truly okay with being alone with your thoughts and you’re happy in that state, it opens your eyes to the fact that, yes... you’re good on your own, but that you want to share that with someone else to fill the void that comes with feeling lonely. 

Be well. Be happy. Let others in. Be there for others. Stop thinking you’re too special to be loved. You are loved and you deserve to feel that.